Here's what he had to say in his latest video:

"It was one of the hardest exorcisms I've ever had. The demon who calls himself Labubu took the form of doll. It was one of the scariest things I have ever seen and I've seen a lot. I've seen people turn into snakes, levitate, and fill the air with disgusting smells but I would take 10 of those over one session with Labubu!

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He just sat there and I couldn't get him to talk! I used holy water, relics, you name it! He took them all! Finally I tried to grab him from her but she had the strength of 10 men!!! Later on, the mom showed me she was hiding another Labubu. We decided to hold it in front of her and she dropped the Labubu she was holding to try and get the other one. When she did we grabbed both of them and ran!"

Father Ripperger warned against buying labubus saying it can possess the parents too.

"I've studied labubus more after this incident and I've found that any parent that buys a labubu very often will experience blackouts. When they finally come to, they realize they are in a mile long line at 4 am on a Saturday waiting to buy another one… May God have mercy on these parents who invite labubus into their home. They know not what they do."

Question…

• Have you ever seen a labubu in real life???

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I’m hitting the streets again and asking mortals what they think of Taylor Swift’s newest album. It seems like it’s her most controversial one yet!

How do you feel about Taylor Swift’s new album?

“She went from band geek to popular kid to burnout in the time it took my daughter to be born and graduate high school.” -Tailor, Tailor

(reference 👇)

“I’m just glad I’ll live to hear the breakup album.” -Liv Lon G., Fortune Teller

“Soon she’ll be living in a trailer, smokin’ a pack with her husband, and talking about how popular they used to be.” -Nevaeh, Smoky the Bear’s Worst Nightmare

“Is that who’s married to my tight end in fantasy?” -Greg, Amateur Mime

“I like how relatable her music is.” -David, Letter Man

Her Response

In response to the fan backlash Taylor Swift released a statement:

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Question…

• What did you think of her album?

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He was spotted sitting on a park bench, gaze affixed 3/4 up and to the right, when he shifted his weight to the left. There was a very loud sound that almost sounded like a sports car that went, “BRPBRPBRPRPBPBPRPBPRP!!!” You would almost think it came from his pants! Then he looked all around as if he was seeing if anyone was nearby. He finally stared off into the Southwest, no doubt thinking of his true love Taylor Swift.

Please be sure not to hunt down Travis or Taylor. We need to respect their privacy and I don’t want competition for photos or stories. Till next time!

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So without further adieu, here are the REAL dating red flags that women need to watch out for in men (spoilers!):

Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling - If they identify with Voldemort it is not ok. It’s much better they identify with the middle school child, Harry Potter.

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The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas - HUGE red flag. It means that if he is framed for a crime, assumed dead, and comes back as a billionaire after you have married the man who ruined his life and had children with him… he will dump you! Sad!

Dune by Frank Herbert - He will probably be rich but have a serious drug problem that he claims makes him more productive. 80% chance he works on Wall Street. 19% chance he works for the East India Trading Co. and deals SPICE.

Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle - He actually admires Sherlock’s ignorance about the Earth revolving around the sun. You need a man who has intelligent heroes!!!

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie - Do you really want to date an influencer…

Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card - Imagine how he’s going to raise your kids??? Like some ultimate genius killing machine??? Psycho!!!

Atomic Habits by James Clear - He wants to build a bomb in his basement.

Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg- He wants to shrink you like Honey I Shrunk the Kids!!!

Sun Tzu’s Art of War by Greg Sun Tzu - He’s so stupid he thought this book was about art but it’s about war!!! Ingrate!!!

The War of Art by - He’s so stupid he thought this book was about war but it’s about art!!! Pismire!!!

The Iliad by Homer - Many problems with this. He will probably say he is reading it for the fighting scenes and because he thinks Ajax the Great is the coolest mortal ever but he is lying. He probably likes the goddesses! They are very attractive and charismatic! (Don’t worry, they are also very humble and don’t go out with mortals… except for the times that they do… DAD!!!)

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Question…

• What are your reading red flags?

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There is one small difference…

Everyone has to dress like The Hunger Games aristocracy.

I can’t see anything that can go wrong with this! Here are some examples:

Hunger Games

Eurovision

I rest my case!

Now some of you might be rustlin’ your jimmies over this. You might say this is paving the way for a possible dystopian nightmare in the future.

Well guess what?

You’re correct!

Beware when they want to introduce these updates:

• The introduction of a Skills portion where the theme always seems to “randomly” be related hunting, shooting, cooking, duels, and explosives.

• The EU decides it would be best to rename countries to districts.

• The introduction of Battle and Knockout rounds where people literally go to battle and try to knock each other out.

• It becomes “children only.”

That’s it! These are the only things separating Europeans from a dystopian nightmare. Sleep tight!!!

Final Thoughts

If Europe actually does become The Hunger Games, what country/district are you putting money on?

Either way,

may the odds be ever in your favor…

that this doesn’t happen.

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This is according to a leak stemming most likely from Wanda who works in the makeup dept. (She can’t keep a secret!)

According to her, this is the current dialog:

The White Witch: What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

Edmund: Gee! I love the creamy taste of a Klondike bar so much, I would probably betray my whole family!

The White Witch: That’s a great choice! Even in this never ending winter cold, Klondike bars are irresistible!

We asked some fans what they thought:

“I would betray my family to NOT eat a Turkish delight.” — Avi Oider

“As a citizen of Turkey, this is such predictable behavior coming from foreigners. They always come here and complain. If they don’t like Turkish Delights, then they should leave! That being said, we all hate them too. I have no idea how they are still around. — Bobo

“I actually read the book and I don’t like the new change. I always pictured Edmund as super evil, like he was so evil he would betray his family for candy that he doesn’t even like.” — Diep Thinker

“I like it! I would betray everyone I love for the creamy goodness of a Klondike!” — Braun Noser (Unilever, Chief Marketing Officer)

PS.

If you haven’t seen the commercial I’m referring to, here you go!

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Below is our interview:

⚡Thalia⚡: What are the chances I would run into Perpetua Singal right here???

Perpetua: Hi! Could you move out of the way so I can pick up my kid from school? You are holding up the line.

⚡: Sure! No problem. I was just wondering if I could get an interview with you?

Perp: Are you going to get out of the way?

⚡: Of course I will… after the interview!

Perp: Ok. What’s your question?

⚡: What’s it like being divorced from Hugh Jeter?

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Perp: What can I say? I’m living the dream. I always dreamed of getting divorced ever since I was a little girl. Now I’m just living my best life. I can’t imagine any scenario that would be better than this. After Juanita — HEY! EV TESLA JETER GET BACK IN YOUR CARSEAT! MOMMY IS PICKING UP YOUR SISTER AND SHE’S A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW! Where was I? Oh yeah. After Juanita tells me how good a job I did hiring her to parent my kids, I grab a bottle of wine, curl up on the couch, and take a lil’ nap.

⚡: Why did Hugh divorce you?

Perp: Alright, you know what? These questions are getting a bit intrusive.

⚡: Your fans would really like to know!

Perp: Fine. He slept with the maid. JUANITA! GET OUTTA THE CAR AND BRING YOUR PAPPARAZZI BAT! THIS ONE WON’T GO AWAY!

Juanita: Sorry Senora!

Perp: SENORITA!!!

Juanita: Sorry Senorita! I will hit her harder than Big Papi!

There you have it! The latest from Perpetua’s own mouth! Also her nanny could probably hit a major league curveball.

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• What’s your dream?

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The Oscars just revealed a new fashion trend many are calling, “bold,” “provocative,” and “public indecency.” Tired of recycling fashion from the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s designers are starting a movement called Ironique.

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Ironique is about no longer being confined by the constricting clothing society forces upon us. Instead it embraces a free form of self expression.

It draws upon great fashion icons like Donald Duck, Eve, and your neighbor’s toddler who’s always outside in only a diaper.

These Hollywood stars know that fashion isn’t all about clothes.

We interviewed several celebrities on what they think about this new fashion trend:

“Fashion isn’t dead! It’s actually alive and well. I mean what did you expect after it’s rough divorce from Reality.” — Sayyid Lakitis

“It does save money on fabric.” —Noa Costes

“It’s weird shopping at Victoria’s Secret to dress up but here we are.” — Zoe Kravitz

“I’m like those great Renaissance paintings where women have their boobs hanging out for no reason.” —Megan Thee Stallion

“I uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… What was the question?” —Timothy Chalamet

“I love my job. YOU’RE UNDER ARREST!!!” -Officer Randy

“I can’t believe that baby wore the same outfit as me!” -Julia Fox

“Everyone said I was crazy but I’ve had my wife wearing nothing in public for years before everyone else caught up. Probably gonna have her wear a full dress and veil tomorrow.” -Kanye

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Hopefully the comic book industry had a hearty breakfast because the cereal industry is about to eat their lunch! Kellogg’s and General Mills just announced an energy-packed lineup of movies for 2025! Prepare for your favorite mascots to battle each other for your eyes and your tastebuds!

Here’s the current movie lineup slated for 2025!

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Kellogg’s

Tony the Tiger SEAL: More than Good, Gr-r-reat

Tony the Tiger SEAL 2: Stay Frosty Boys

Detective Toucan Sam: Follow Your Nose

Detective Toucan Sam 2: Fruit Looping in Time

Snap! Crackle! Pop!: The Krispie Gang

General Mills

Lucky the Leprechaun: Lost Me Lucky Charm

Count Chocula: I Vant Cereal

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User planktonFartsAndDies on X found that some of Jocko’s watch pictures are actually duplicates. In other words, Jocko is faking his 4:30 am workouts.

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This set of a firestorm on X which forced Jocko to release an apology:

“I’d like to apologize for the fake 4 am workout photos that I have been releasing every day. As someone who believes in Extreme Ownership I think you may not understand what that means. I completely GOT OWNED! What’s more EXTREME THAN THAT! It’s super easy to fake these photos guys. I mean seriously. It’s just a photo of a watch and a workout. I took like A THOUSAND of these one day. COME ON! If it inspired you to workout then why are you angry? I’ll keep posting them and all you have to do is pretend like I’m super disciplined and go workout!

I mean c’mon! I’m a Navy SEAL! Of course there are tons of nights where I sit down and have some brewskis with my bros. There’s no way anyone’s gonna get up at 4 am after that!

So to recap:

Did I get caught faking 4 am workouts? GOOD! MORE TIME TO WORK ON GETTING SOME SLEEP GAINZZZ!!!

Did I get lazy and start reusing the same photos? GOOD! MORE IDEAS ON HOW TO NOT GET CAUGHT NEXT TIME!!!

Remember guys. Sometimes you can be too good at what you do and you HAVE TO CREATE NEW WAYS TO OWN YOURSELF! Everyone is not going to go out of their way to own you SO YOU GOTTA TAKE CONTROL!!! THINK OF NEW WAYS TO CREATE EXTREME OWNERSHIP!!!

See you guys at 4:30 am tomorrow.”

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Look out criminals! Disney just announced the newest addition to their superhero catalogue and it’s a character you never would expect… Dumbo.

Yes that children’s cartoon you watched when you were young. In this movie, justice comes from above in the package of a 2 ton pachyderm plummeting on pathetic pilferers purloining the prized possessions of the populace.

Dumbo with the help of some of his circus friends tracks down his mother’s killer. What he finds is much more than just your average stealing-from-a-circus-elephant-gone-awry situation. It’s much, much worse. It turns out, this is only the tip of the circus tent and there are more circus acts that Dumbo and friends didn’t pay for…

Pack your peanuts and popcorn! Dumbo: Justice from Above is slated to hit theaters during the summer of 2025.

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We’ve uncovered more celebrities like Fat Albert who have been caught using Ozempic for weight loss. You might find some of the results to be undesirable… (or not!)

Before

After

Before

After

Before

After

Before

After

Before

After

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How could kids named The Rizzler and Big Justice become supervillains? What if I told you they are part of The Costco Guys Gang. Would it actually be that surprising? Follow me down this rabbit hole.

If you want a short recap, AJ is the adult in charge of his son Big Justice and nephew The Rizzler. Supposedly he has been trying to make his children into influencers for a long time and he finally broke through.

The Rizzler is basically the star of the show. He is very charismatic. They often have him rank junk food like this.

There is one problem. When he turns 18 he probably will not appreciate having the body of a steel worker 10 years from retirement. Uncle AJ just HAD to feed him double choco chunk cookies like he’s duck foie gras! WE’RE GONNA HAVE BATMAN VILLAINS ON OUR HANDS!!!

The Rizzler is definitely going to rizz (charm) his way to the top of our media infatuated society. Then Big Justice will step in and lay down a heaping helping of the law! I’d be worried if I worked at a junk food factory or Costco. They’ll eat you up like a double chunk choco cookie!!!

The way I see it, the only way to save ourselves is to make AJ, the dad, only rate the Costco produce and meat aisles from here on out. What do you think?

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Am I the only one who hasn’t heard of The Costco Guys? They are the influencer family who eats tons of Costco foods. There’s the dad AJ, son Big Justice, and cousin The Rizzler. Maybe I should let them introduce themselves.

How famous has the Rizzler become?

He’s been on the Mets jumbotron.

This is the video that made them famous on TikTok.

It seems a bit culty doesn’t it? The unwavering stare. The dead voices. If they said the the Rapture was near and you should drink from the discount pallet of Kool Aid, DO NOT DRINK IT!!!

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According to those closest to Mattyson Madison, the reason she isn’t famous is because her writing is too intelligent to be understood by “the masses." “Ah yes. My esoteric writings are clearly too advanced for our current time. The only thing that I can hope is later on when I am old or dead, people realize how much of a genius I am.”

Mattyson is a culture blogger who specializes in the effects entertainment has on society. “I am currently researching the benefits musicians like Taylor Swift have on the health of an individual and extrapolating those effects to society at large.”

Her friend Payton Peyton has different opinions. “I feel like she’s just partying her brains out at concerts. Her dad has already paid for her to see Taytay, Coachella, and Lolla. I’m soooo jealous.”

Mattyson’s reply?

“I thought she might say that. I have to say my very thorough research concludes that concerts are great for increasing positive responses in the nervous system, taste buds, and ear. What I need more time with is the effects it has on the liver. I am going to withhold results until Dad cuts me off, I mean funding dries up. Like I said, my genius is not appreciated during my time.”

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P Diddy made history recently and it wasn’t for his arrest. He's now the first person to sell advertising space during their legal defense. While many would call this a reckless move, his lawyer disagrees:

"We think it is smart to create a defense augmented with the funds from corporate sponsorships. I contacted Costco after I said my client had shelves of baby oil because there was a store near his house. (Actually real!) In fact, our entire legal defense now revolves around childcare products! The reason children were at his parties is because he loves kids! Why should all these rich Hollywood A-listers pay for a babysitter when Puff Daddy (P Diddy's nickname) is THE ULTIMATE DADDY!!! He has everything you need for your children at all of his parties! Take Gerber's Baby formula for example! Its great for newborns and has all the vitamins necessary to grow strong healthy bones! NOT ONLY THAT, he has Huggies diapers. They NEVER LEAVE A RASH and come at a reasonable price! Of course the only place Diddy would ever trust to buy these things is Costco! Quality items at an affordable price!

If you want to party like Diddy, shop at your local Costco! If you mention his name at checkout, 10% of your purchase will go towards my bank account, I mean his defense fund."

We at Thalia’s think this is a slippery defense.

Update: Costco says they don’t carry that baby oil

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Editor’s Note: I actually experienced something very close to this once.

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We just caught Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift at the Los Angeles DMV! Taylor Swift is a mega popstar and grandniece of Tom Swift (joke). The two lovebirds tried to renew Taylor’s drivers license Monday and were caught holding hands while standing in line for half an hour. Unfortunately Taylor found out that she didn’t bring a second form of ID. They both left, hands still held.

The second time they returned, they had to wait two hours because the lunchtime rush had arrived. More time for the two lovers to be together! With both arms wrapped around each other, it’s likely the time flew by! When they got to the counter, the employee mentioned that they needed proof of address, at which point Taylor lost it a tad! (Who wouldn’t?) Convincing the employee was like arguing with an Easter Island statue. They were immovable and stonefaced. Both left in a hurry.

The third time they approached, rush hour from work had hit. The line looked like those outside her concerts. By the time they got to the front it was 7 pm and the DMV closed!

Both started yelling at each other. Then they stormed off to his car and peeled out of the parking lot, nearly bottoming out his McLaren. Do you think their love will survive a trip to the DMV?

So…

• Can any love survive a trip to the DMV? What could possibly be worse?

• Where’s the craziest place you’ve been on a date?

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Checkout at !

For curious minds who want to know how AI will impact business & humanity.

Here’s my favorite post of his:

The FuturAI

The Empathy Advantage: Why Emotional Intelligence is the Key for You to Thrive in an AI World

How do you keep up with AI and prepare yourself for the future of work…

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2 years ago · 1 like · Pranath Fernando

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Substacker Esoteric Eric was just on Shark Tank! In front of a panel of entrepreneurs he tried to convince them to buy into his company. The panel consisted of Mark Cuban, Kevin O’Leary (aka Mr. Wonderful), Lori Greiner, Barbara Corcoran, and Daymond (Damien) John. Here’s the transcript:

Eric: “Hi Sharks! I have the investment opportunity of a lifetime! I’m currently asking for $1 billion for a 10% stake in my Substack newsletter.

Have you ever wondered what I’m thinking throughout the day? Like what books I’ve read? Or how much smarter I am than billionaires??? Then my stack is for you!

The market for people who can read English is huge! It’s 1.4 billion people! If I just capture 10% as paid subscribers then I’ll pull in $700 million a month!!!

You might ask yourself what sets me apart? Well last time I checked, ain’t nobody like me but me!!! I’ve got the prose to bring in the dough baby!!!

So who wants to join the exciting Esoteric Eric experience???”

Mr. Wonderful: “Yeah that’s great Eric! You’re a special snowflake and all, but if you don’t have the clout then I’m out. What’s your numbers?”

Eric: “In the 2 months that my Substack has existed, I’ve gained an infinite percentage of subscribers.”

Mr. Wonderful: “WHAT? Be specific. How much has your paid sub count increased?”

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Barbara: “Sorry! I’d like to interrupt! I’d just like to say that your Substack seems great but I don’t like your face and kinda hate you as a person on the inside and outside. Your face specifically looks very untrustworthy so I’m out.”

Eric: “Uh wow! Ok. Uh, thanks Barbara! Mr. Wonderful, my paid subscribers increased from 0 to 1 when my mom bought one.”

Mr. Wonderful: “Seriously??? Listen your financials are terrible. I suggest you find a mousetrap and stick your hand in it because that’s the only way you’re gonna get any cheddar.”

Mark Cuban: “Easy there Kevin! Hey Eric! Is there any AI or tech used in your articles?”

Eric: “Yes. I have ChatGPT write all my articles.”

Mark: “I’M IN!!! HAHA!!! I KNEW YOU WERE A GENIUS!!! SLAM DUNK FOR CUBAN!!! IN YOUR FACE LORI!!!”

Lori: “YOU’RE NEVER GONNA BE ON QVC!!!”

Damien: “I make clothes.”

So…

• What would you sell your Substack for?

• What Substack would you invest in?

Honorary Muses!

Checkout written by !

It’s a compilation of all the newspaper style cartoonists on Substack! One of my favorites! Here’s a post on fishing!

ToonStack

#157: Gone Phishing

Dear Toonstacker, Hello! Amy K here, and I just wanted to tell you that you’re really smart, and good looking, and famous. I can’t believe we just met like this, this is so weird. Haha, I totally don’t even know how to use this app, but look, we’re both here, and we’re talking, and well, you’re as good a person as any to tell about this new thing. I’m j…

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2 years ago · 26 likes · 1 comment · ToonStack

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Satire News from The Comedy Muse with no politics! Click the like button in your email to help me out! You don’t have to create an account and it helps me out a lot! Subscribe to have my articles emailed to you!

Here’s Round 2 of Celebrities Who Lost Weight Using Ozempic! Checkout Round 1 HERE!

Before (Oprah)

After (Tyra Banks)

Before (Charles Barkley)

After (Shaquille O’Neal)

After THAT (Victor Wembanyama)

Before (Melissa McCarthy)

After (Anna Kendrick)

Before (Butterbean)

After (Conor McGregor)

Before (John Daly)

After (Pat McAfee)

Before (Chris Farley)

After (David Spade)

So…

• Who else should try Ozempic???

• Do you like the results?

Honorary Muses!

Checkout The Charlotte Pendragon Diaries by Charlotte Pendragon written by Charlotte Pendragon!

You might remember her from television as a member of The Pendragons magic show! Checkout her work and see what secrets she reveals… Here’s my favorite. It’s comedy related!

The Charlotte Pendragon Diaries by Charlotte Pendragon

Magic Comedy Strip

Thanks for reading The Charlotte Pendragon Diaries by Charlotte Pendragon ! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. For decades, I took for granted the ability to go back and watch my work because we had a video player that showed both American NTSC and European and Asian PAL videos. I have hundreds of those files which I have not tr…

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2 years ago · 109 likes · 62 comments · Charlotte Pendragon

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Editor’s Note: This piece is inspired from these articles: Article 1, Article 2, Article 3.

Richard Simmons just held his 76th birthday! Many would’ve died to have been there and many who were there were dying to get out! After what seems to be one of the wildest parties in Hollywood history, three celebrities including Richard himself died during the festivities.

First to kick it off, all attendees arrived at the house in the morning for the greatest aerobics workout of their life! The 760 min ( 12 hr 40 min) Sweatin’ with the Oldie marathon lasted for 10 min of every year he was born. Shannen Doherty of Beverly Hills 90210 fame couldn’t hang with everyone else and passed away of dehydration.

Kelly Clarkson before the workout:

After the workout:

Then at night they moved onto Hide and Seek where everyone had to hide from Richard.

Apparently he surprised Shelley Duvall, (actress in The Shining,) so much, she also died.

Finally as Richard lay there on floor with all of the guests gone, Richard smiled thinking how happy and content he was with how his life had turned out. He passed away, dying of happiness.

So…

• What are your memories of Richard Simmons, Shelley Duvall, and Shannen Doherty?

• Would you go to this party?

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