Years of bad posture have made you accustomed to thinking your body should be straight up with your neck above your shoulders but this is actually incorrect. The natural position is the exact same as when you were a fetus in your mother’s womb. Ideally your knees should be inches from your chin.

A common mistake is tilting your neck at 90 degrees from your spine so you can peer over the steering wheel. This is you fighting your body’s natural rest state. Instead you should be looking from between the gaps in your steering wheel. Some chiropractors have even recommended rigging an intricate set of mirrors so you can actually see the entire windshield and still maintain this perfect posture.

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Doctors also advise playing lullabies and buying trucks with large engines so that you can feel the rocking of the motor. The rocking simulates the movements felt in the womb. This places you in a relaxed state optimal for learning and brain performance. Perfect for long drives at night.

If you are in a hurry and need an adrenaline boost, doctors say that you could play Baby Shark on repeat until you have made it to your destination. Unfortunately repeated exposure to this has been known to cause brain damage according to the testimony of several moms.

Scientists also recommend rubbing your head and saying, “Wow! IT’S HUGE!” or “Have you gained weight?” Your body will instantly increase it’s adrenaline output for reasons that single male scientists are at a loss to explain. Pregnant scientists have postulated, “Do I really have to say why???”

Feel free to implement these trips into your next drive and let us know what you think. The scientific community has had an extremely hard time receiving feedback because all subjects inexplicably keep getting into car crashes.

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You.

have.

no.

idea.

I’m speaking of a man who has purposely hidden himself from our knowledge and has been working behind the scenes to destroy that one thing that we love most.

This.

is.

him.

Timmy

Timmy is so evil. He hates that one thing.

See???

That thing we like!!!

That thing that is so good!!!

That thing that could be the difference between life and death for you and me!!!

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If we don’t band together and stop him right now, his ideas will spread!!! Soon children and your loved ones will also hate that one thing!!!

It will be a cult of Timmys…

The only chance we have is to band together as an army of Anti-Timmys™! We will have to crush him like the raging fury of a mother bear!!! We will have to use everything at our disposal to make sure Timmy’s dangerous idea never sees the light of day and anyone who agrees with him IS ABSOLUTELY OBLITERATED!!!!!!! WE ARE REASON!!!!! WE ARE COMPASSION!!!!!! WE WILL NEVER LET THIS MANIAC HURT ANYONE!!!!!!!!!

If you want to be part of a lovable group of people that fight Timmy please buy a paid subscription to meet other individuals as kind as yourself. Thank you.

Peace and Love,

Thalia

Question

• Doesn’t Timmy seem like a pretty bad hombre?

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