11 MORE Signs You're a Basic Substacker Pt. 3!!!🥔
There's no way you could survive 3 rounds!
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It’s me again! See if you can survive Part 3! Here we will delve into Dante’s 3rd level of Basic Substacker Hell!!! They only serve boiled potatoes with butter and salt!!! It’s not really that bad but you could definitely do better right?
Have you somehow survived past the last two rounds? If you’re not sure checkout Part 1 and Part 2!
The Podcaster - You call up your friend and talk to them just like you would on the weekend. The drinks, cigars, and computer equipment are all business tax write-offs for you. During this time, both of you talk about how you would run the world if you were in charge. Meanwhile you are both sitting in the basement in your underwear. Remember not to speak so loud! Sarah is putting the kids to bed and she only agreed that you could do this if you keep it down!
The Electronic Freedom Fighter - You hate computers but recognize the inherent benefits. You do the bare minimum to be online by uploading photos of your handwriting or rubber stamps. Reading these digital words makes you want to take a shower.
The Armchair Psychologist- You can pretty much read everyone’s minds. At least that’s what I think? Your tricks won’t work on me though! You can’t predict what I will do if I don’t even know what I’m gonna do!
The Human Tech News Aggregator - You let people know about the newest advancements in technology that the people who actually invented the technology have already written about. Ironically you are the most likely to be replaced by AI. Sorry!
The Pretty Picture Maker- Your average post goes something like, “I wanted to paint a flower. Look! It’s a flower!” These posts are usually spaced between, “I SAY WE KILL AI AND ANYONE WHO USES IT!!! GET YOUR PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES FOR THE SUBSTACK MEETUP IN SAN FRANCISCO!!!” I won’t be worried because I just bought this flamethrower robot dog for $10k to protect me.
the writer no cap - not capitalizing words is your way of being rebellious. we get it! it’s like parents purposefully misspelling their child’s name thinking that some person at the dmv will say, “wow! how creative! who could have thought to spell jynnyfure that way!”
The Serial Fashionista - You wake up. Change. Take a photo. Then post it online describing what’s on your body. It’s kinda like you’re making a serialized Kohl’s catalog.
The Hot Take Chef - You serve up spicy posts that make people angry! You’re like a hot wings restaurant where people burn their mouth and it hurts but it’s better than the bland stuff they normally consume so they come back for more.
The Great Philosophizer - You love categorizing thoughts like an OCD person would try organizing the Library of Congress. You are a classical postneorationalist hell bent on the absurdism latent in the parlance of our times. I once read a book from Aristotle where he mentioned people like you tend to vex the esoteric musings proposlafdklllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. Oh! Sorry! I put myself to sleep writing that sentence!
The Torturing Poet - You mistakenly
think
that making new lines
is poetry. You
might
be
surprised
it isn’t.
The Troll - Definitely not me!
So…
Which one are you?
Did you somehow escape these 3 posts???
Which ones did I forget?
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Your AI illustrations are deeply unsettling, in a manner more remarkable than the usual AI grumpiness.
*RESTACK & SWEAT:
This is quite a list, and you are speaking the truth here.
(I begin to smell my armpit to see how "basic" I am...I look...I'm quirky enough to say I'm fine. Totally fine).