CEO Celebrates Labor Day by Working Only 12 Hours

“Bill said he was incapable of remembering his family’s names”

Thalia ⚡ Immortal Wit and Mike Schuster ⚡ Immortal Wit

Sep 09, 2026

OFFICE, WA—Local CEO, Bill Maker, decided to celebrate Labor Day even though he isn’t a laborer by only working 12 hours.

“What can I say? I am just a lazy CEO! Anyone can do my job. All you have to do is tell everyone else what to do while you make millions. Just ask my wife Whats-Her-Face and my children. Man, if she was here she would remember their names.”

Bill said he was incapable of remembering his family’s names because they have not been very present in his life.

“Yeah, it’s a little disappointing. I thought they would talk to me more. When you come home at 2 am after a hard days work, you would expect them to come running to greet you but instead they are asleep. Very sad.”

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We asked him if he is the only other person in his office working.

“Yeah my secretary Tina came into work. She wasn’t happy because she has four children: Max, Angela, Cara, and Tina. Max normally has practice on Mondays but not today so she had to get a sitter but her usual one, Zoe, is celebrating that day so she had to go all the way to her 5th string backup sitter, Greg. Greg is so bad. You can barely get that kid to do anything and he is the one babysitting so she is not happy.”

“How do you know so much about her and not your own wife?”

“She spends a lot more time with me and tells me about her day. It’s sad. You marry a person but you can never know if they will change.”

“Do you think the change was you becoming CEO?”

“No that can’t be it. I asked my Board of Directors and they said I’m doing fine. 10% better than last quarter actually.”

“Well I’m sure they have a lot of interest in you and their bank accounts.”

“So true.”

That’s the end of our exclusive interview with Bill. I hope you learned a lot about him, What’s-Her-Face, his kids, Tina, Max, Angela, Cara, Tina, Greg and what it’s like to be a CEO on Memorial Day. Hope it was a good one.