God Tier Interview: St. Nick Explains His ABSURD Delivery Speed

Amazon hates him for THIS ONE SIMPLE TRICK!!!

Dec 17, 2024

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I got to interview the big man himself today! Luckily he’s not sensitive about weight jokes. Here is the one and only… St. Nick!

Thalia: Hey there big guy! Looks like you’ve got a basketball for me underneath your shirt!

St. Nick: Ho ho ho! Thalia you are a cold woman! I imagine it’s because I made you come up here to the North Pole on a reindeer!!! HO HO HOOOOOO!!!

Thalia: Yeah it was freezing! I figured out how Rudolph got his red nose!

St. Nick: HO HO HOOOOOOOOO!!!

Thalia: So people want to know how in the world, pun intended, that you are able to deliver presents everywhere in one night? Because many people have done the math, and the time it takes to fly to a house, go down a chimney, and set the presents down, doesn’t really workout if you’re going to take care of the 7 billion people on this planet.

St. Nick: Ho! I have my ways, but if I told you, one of my elves would have to kill you.

Thalia: Really???

St. Nick: No I’m kidding! HO HOOOOO!!! It’s like this, I am a saint right?

Thalia: Yeah…

St. Nick: And many saints have powers like bilocation correct?

Thalia: Bilocation, the ability to be in multiple places at the same time. I’ve heard of it…

St. Nick: Well that’s how you do it! I just hop on my reindeer and POOF! I’m on everyone’s house in the entire world in no time!

Thalia: You know what? This does explain your weight problem.

St. Nick: Oh yeah! Sometimes I’m watching TV and instead of getting up off the couch I’ll just bilocate and get myself some glögg from Sweden.

Thalia: And God is ok with this?

St. Nick: He said I might get my bilocation powers taken away if I keep this up. I’m trying to break the habit.

Thalia: Come to Greece and exercise! Hercules will get you jacked and tan in no time!