😯 How Kindergartners Lock Down Soulmates Better Than You 💍
Take a swing and try it out!
Editor’s Note 8/26/25: I finally finished my new logo and website name! Thalia’s God Tier News was always meant to be temporary until I proved to myself I could write satire news. Stay tuned as things are being changed. It may be a bit rocky as the website address and other things are being worked on.
Thank you for subscribing! I hope to have a fun announcement soon!
Editor’s Note 6/18/24: I’m dedicating this article to my Nonno and Nonna who just celebrated their 70th anniversary! Love you Nonno and Nonna!
Satire News from The Comedy Muse with no politics! Like, comment and share for the algorithm! Subscribe to have my articles emailed to you!
Dating! Marriage! It’s impossible nowadays! The opposite sex is crazy now! Not like back in the day!
You know what also was back in the day? Kindergarten.
Think about how easy dating and marriage was back then! You see a girl you think is cute and you threw mud at her. Wait, don’t do that! You gave her a dandelion. Much better. Suddenly you guys were a thing! If people didn’t remind you about cooties, you and that little red haired girl would still be together!
It was so easy. Remember? Here’s how you did it. You checked to see if that special someone you had your eyes on was swinging with an open swing next to them. Then casually you just sauntered over like it was no big deal. What’s this, a swing? You hopped on and started pumping your legs. (Maybe you’d get your best man or woman to give you an underdog!) Pretty soon your swing started gaining some serious airtime. The trap is set.
Your unknowing special someone looks at the swing next to them and sees you but it was too late. You guys were swinging in unison. Gotcha! Your friend shouts, “OOOOOOOOOOOH!!! YOU GUYS ARE MARRIEEEEEED!!!”
And that’s it. Marriage problems solved. Faster than speed dating. Cheap ceremony. Your friends are all there too! Boom! Hope she shares her juice box! (Remember to get your cootie shots or you are in for a rude awakening.)
So…
Will this work for adults?
What are some other good kindergarten dating and marriage strategies?
Any of your friends get cooties? What happened?
Like, comment and share for the algorithm! Subscribe to have my articles emailed to you!
If you liked this checkout:
Support My Work!
Your support helps me out a lot!
One Time Donation | Pantheon Pass⚡| Crypto
Haha! Aaaah yes! I do remember how easy it was to "get married" in grade school. "Linda & John sittin' in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love, then comes marriage, etc. :)