Sam Bankman-Fried Sells "Convicts Only" Dating App For $2.3B While in Prison 🦹♂️
"Hobbies that people love on our app are very different..."
The crypto founder Sam Bankman-Fried who is known for defrauding billions of dollars from his FTX customers and investors, just sold a convicts-only dating app for $2.3 billion while still in prison. According to Sam Bankman-(Not freed yet!)Fried:
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“Elizabeth Holmes and I were talking to each other after a rough day playing pickle ball about how hard it will be to find dates after prison. She will be 48 and I will be 53 and people for whatever craaaaaaaaaazy reason don’t want to date someone who stole billions of dollars.
So we thought why not create our own dating app specifically for convicts. So far it has been great. The hobbies that people love on our app are very different. The most popular ones are knife throwing, martial arts, and hunting. They even vary from prison to prison, like our prison loves tax law, finance, and nonprofit charities.
We are also the only app with a 3:1 ratio of women to men which is surprising because the jail population is more than 90% men. We think they are faking their criminal record on their profiles but the convicts like it so we let it go. In the future we plan on studying why so many women like our app.
We’d like to thank Silicon Valley Bank for investing in us. We are proud that one responsible company recognizes another responsible company and we think we are the perfect partners.
When asked what he will do with the money, Sam responded:
“I will definitely not be trading crypto! Instead I’m going to create a nonprofit charity dedicated to helping billionaires with tax law, finance, and creating nonprofit charities.”
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And the fact that he sold a pilot script at the same time for “Only Convicts in the Building”??
Such a hustlebro
Don't drop the (digital) soap.