Substack Pays Users to Doomscroll With "Substack Miles" 💎

"If my wife finds out how many miles I’ve been scrolling I’m doomed!"

Thalia, Muse of Comedy and Mike Schuster, Immortal Wit

Jul 15, 2025

Substack.com, Internet, Earth — Substack founders Chris Best and Hamish Mackenzie announced a new promotion called Substack Miles that pays users to doomscroll.

According to Hamish:

“We have created a unique way incentivize user engagement on Notes. For every 10 miles scrolled we will offer 1 paid subscriber to that Substack Superfan.”

white and black cat on blue and white textile — Meow that’s what I’m talkin’ about! (Unsplash/Kanashi)

We asked some Substack users what they thought:

“I was wondering how I got $1,000 in my bank account! And here I thought my treatise “‘Adventures of the Gummi Bears’ Effect on Society’s Moral Imperatives” had brought me fame and fortune. Oh well! $1,000 isn’t too bad!” — Rich Luckmann

“I have my whole virrage scrorring. It has brought honor and fortune to us! Thanks you Substack!” -George Washington

“I am a purple checkmark. I don’t scroll to find other people. They scroll to find me.” - Mr. Smartie McNewsletterpants

“If my wife finds out how many miles I’ve been scrolling I’m doomed! What have they done????” - Ono Mann

Reviews seem to be mixed. In unrelated news I will taking a 10 year sabbatical because I have just come into a large fortune.

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