Substack Pays Users to Doomscroll With "Substack Miles" 💎
"If my wife finds out how many miles I’ve been scrolling I’m doomed!"
Substack.com, Internet, Earth — Substack founders Chris Best and Hamish Mackenzie announced a new promotion called Substack Miles that pays users to doomscroll.
According to Hamish:
“We have created a unique way incentivize user engagement on Notes. For every 10 miles scrolled we will offer 1 paid subscriber to that Substack Superfan.”
We asked some Substack users what they thought:
“I was wondering how I got $1,000 in my bank account! And here I thought my treatise “‘Adventures of the Gummi Bears’ Effect on Society’s Moral Imperatives” had brought me fame and fortune. Oh well! $1,000 isn’t too bad!” — Rich Luckmann
“I have my whole virrage scrorring. It has brought honor and fortune to us! Thanks you Substack!” -George Washington
“I am a purple checkmark. I don’t scroll to find other people. They scroll to find me.” - Mr. Smartie McNewsletterpants
“If my wife finds out how many miles I’ve been scrolling I’m doomed! What have they done????” - Ono Mann
Reviews seem to be mixed. In unrelated news I will taking a 10 year sabbatical because I have just come into a large fortune.
Subscribe to Thalia’s God Tier News! Satire news from the comedy muse!
If you liked this, checkout:
Support My Work!
Your support helps me out a lot!
Buy Me a Coffee | Pantheon Pass⚡ | Crypto
Socials
Twitter | Reddit | thaliascomedy.com
Like, comment and share to help me out!