Thalia's God Tier News is Now Immortal Wit! [Update #3]
+ Article : Assassins Are Angry At This Company For Taking Their Poison Drinks Away! 🤮
Hi everyone! Just had a very busy week personally but got a lot done. I’m putting the finishing touches on several things like my intro page and what I want to do for paid subscribers going forward. I hope to resume articles next week. Thank you for your patience while I try to revamp everything.
As for the article below, it was a big surprise for me how popular it was. It got 47 likes! (Maybe I should write more assassin themed articles? Or maybe it was Prince Harry and Princess Meghan? What do you think?)
Assassins Are Angry At This Company For Taking Their Poison Drinks Away! 🤮
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Due to an apple juice recall assassins and contenders for the crown (ahem, Harry and Megan) now have to make their poisoned drinks the old fashioned way. Martinelli’s Apple Juice was sold at Whole Foods and Target for $18 and found to have high levels of arsenic. Arsenic made a killing back in the Renaissance with royalty when you didn’t want that pesky political rival in your way.
PepsiCo also issued a recall of its Schweppes Zero Sugar Ginger Ale last week after the brand found it was “Surprise!” full of sugar.
The American Assassins Association had been recommending Martinelli’s Apple Juice for rush jobs and Schweppes Zero Sugar Ginger Ale for longer more drawn out jobs. As of now, no deaths have been reported, possibly because dead people tend to have very poor communication skills.
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