Writer Becomes So Eloquent He's Now Incoherent! 🤯

He even uses the word esoteric.

Sep 17, 2024

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Austin, TX — According to locals, Charlie Gordon has raised his vocabulary beyond coherence and they want him to bring it back down. Charlie used to be unintelligible for having the vocabulary of a 2 year old. Now he’s unintelligible for having the vocabulary of a literature professor.

“Yeah could he find something in between? What is wrong with him?” -Carlos Murphy

Many blame it on his recent penchant for philosophy.

“Yeah, he just grabbed this philosophy book and started talking about epistemology. I told him yeah the pandemic is over X. Chillout. Then he just started staring at his hand and muttering, ‘You haven’t read about solipsism. Is this real? Can my hand truly be real if it cannot think?’ I knew he lost it right then.” -Malaria Johnson

Then he started a Substack and it made things much worse.

“We’re trying to make him quit. It’s truly brought out the worst in him. He won’t even take care of his mouse Algernon. He’s sleeping in his cage all day.” -Mrs. Gordon (Charlie’s mom)

We asked Charlie what he thinks.

“Fundamental aspects of the local collective consciousness are unfortunately predisposed to asinine panic. This is typical for ingrates that I consider the lower quartile of intellect for a third world country. These intellectual pismires feel threatened by recent propulsions concerning my own cognitive capacities. Unfortunately accelerations made in my personal acuity are possibly overextending cranial limitations. Benefits of higher ordered intellect far outweigh risks inherent to overclocking the mind. Rapidity of knowledge consumption remains the only logical…”

It was then Charlie fainted. We revived him and asked him how he felt.

“Who you? Me want coke.”

If you know a friend whose vocabulary is too large, send this to them. Let them know about possible complications associated with it.

So…