99% of Women Say They Would Rather Live With a Bear...s Fan

“It’s because we can beat up other fans.”

Thalia ⚡ Immortal Wit and Mike Schuster ⚡ Immortal Wit

Nov 04, 2026

Chicago, IL — A TikTok video is going viral where 99.9% of women are saying that they would rather be stuck in a forest with a bear…s fan.

We asked them why.

“He is the best combination of a man and a bear. Years of watching highlights of the Fridge and Brian Urlacher means that he could actually tackle a real life bear. Especially if that bear looks like Brett Favre. Actually Brett Favre does kind of look like a bear.”

“I wish I could find a Bears fan! They are all taken!”

“Man I saw a Bears fan in LA once. It was a potluck and he brought a tomahawk steak. Everyone was thrilled and he said, ‘Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t know this was a potluck. I only brought a single serving.’ I almost proposed to him RIGHT THERE!!!”

“I know that he would love me for better or for worse because he has remained loyal despite having 21 QBs in the last 26 years. THAT IS COMMITMENT!!!”

“Honey, why can’t you be more like a Bears fan?!? You just sit and watch the Packers all day! You know I almost went out with Ditka! That’s a man’s man!!!”

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We asked a Packers fan and his wife.

Packers Fan: As a Packers fan I don’t get why anyone would would be a attracted to a Bears fan. Just because they finally have a quarterback doesn’t scare me at all. I’m not afraid.
Thalia: Why are your pants wet?
Packers Fan: Oh! I heard Ditka’s name on a TV and a car splashed my pants with water at the exact same time. Turned out he died. PHEW!!!”
Packers Wife: I’ll be happy to not have to sleep on a rubber mattress cover during football season! You have those Ditka nightmares all the time during football season!
Packers Fan: Honey! C’mon! You promised not to mention it!

We asked Bears fans what they think.

“It’s because we can beat up other fans. We are just physically superior compared to them. Why do you think I have been cultivating this mass for so long? You think I am eating these Italian beef combos dipped with hot giardiniera for fun?!?! Dis is training my friend!!!”

“We are survivors. What can I say? You think she wants to be with a Patriots fan? They are unaccustomed to hardship. At the slightest sign of something going wrong they will start crying and try to dial the NFL office. Sorry pal! There’s no commissioner for real life!!!”

There you have it. We have conclusively validated the science of why women would rather live with a Bears fan.

Update: After this article was published another video has been trending that shows 100000% of women would rather be with a Bears coach named Ditka. (RIP!)