Chris Best’s Office, San Francisco, CA — The fact Substack just added text centering has the entire internet worried that Substack has run out of ideas. It’s been a pain point on the platform since the beginning and it has most writers suspicious as to why Substack would fix it now.
We asked several prominent Substackers what they thought:
“Substack is over. They said they didn’t add text centering because there were too many important features to add which means there must not be any important features left!!!”
- Skye S. Fulling
“Frankly it’s quite jarring. While I’m writing about making money via crypto arbitrage opportunities I will misclick and it ruins my flow state. Then it forces me to ask mommy for more milk and cookies until I regain composure.”
- Ehnef Tee
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“As a writer, I could kiss all the developers for finally adding this!!! Wait, are you going to publish what I just said?”
- Sed Wong Ting
The panic has caused Marc Andreeson from a16z to pretend they didn’t invest in Substack and give a statement to investors:
“First off I would like the investors of a16z to know that we were definitely kidding about investing in Substack. You know that right? We would never run out of ideas anyways. I mean, I’m the crypto guy! I told them we should have added something cryptoey like nft payments! NOT THAT WE INVESTED!!! It’s just Chris didn’t listen to me! I mean himself!!!
I uh, you see... the thing is… Sorry I’m a little out of breathe…
LOOK BEHIND YOU IT’S PETER THEIL!!!”
(It was at that point Marc leapt off stage and sprinted into a Waymo (self driving car). He tried to make a getaway but the car stopped to let a squirrel pass in front of it. The angry mob caught up to him and carried him away.)
Question
Do you think Substack has run out of ideas???
Comment down below! 👇👇👇
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I have it on good authority that there are more daring and revolutionary ideas in the pipeline; in particular, introduction of tables and columns is currently scheduled for April 31.
More squirrels ruining getaways these days.