Mob Forces Tim Ferris to Flee to a Mountain!!!

“Tim Ferriss is a liar!!!"

Thalia | Muse of Comedy and Mike Schuster | Immortal Wit

Apr 22, 2026

Scarsdale, NY — Bob N. Waters was disappointed recently when he found out Tim Ferriss’s bestseller The 4-Hour Body did not in fact make him a Greek god in half a work day. (“You have to be born into it. Sorry.” - Thalia) Annoyed, he took to Facebook to voice his displeasure.

“Tim Ferriss is a liar!!! I just read The 4-Hour body and IT DOES NOT TELL YOU HOW TO GET A SIX PACK IN 4 HOURS!!! 💢💢💢💢😡😡😡😡😡😡
I was just about to clean my clothes on my rippling washboard abs and had to cancel it because I still weighed 300 lb!!!!!!!!!! 😡😤💢😠😠😠😠😠
I’m also going to have to change all my dating app settings and cancel the professional photographer I hired! THANKS “4” NOTHING TIM!!! YOU MADE ME SO ANGRY I JUST WOLFED DOWN 4 WENDYS 4 FOR 4’s AND 4 LOKOS!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! 🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃”

Many other angry Facebook users swarmed the post like bees surrounding a Big Gulp. Eventually it began trending across all social medias and ignited a feeding frenzy that would make a family of 12 at a Chinese buffet blush. Tim Ferris was forced to apologize.

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“I am deeply sorry for all the confusion surrounding The 4 Hour Body. It was never my intention to mislead anyone.
To make it up to anyone who feels they were deceived, I am going to offer to buy my book back. In fact I will hand you the money myself. All you have to do is scale the Eiger North Face mountain aka “The Murder Wall” and I will be happy to redeem your $20! I am absolutely jiggly with joy at the prospect of meeting all of you.
I’d also like to announce my new book: The 4 Second Apology: Handling PR Crisis’s With Class and Dignity.
Since you are so good at destroying scales at home I bet scaling this mountain will be easy. Don’t forget to book your tickets round trip! I’ll make sure everything is fit for your arrival. Hors d'oeuvres! I mean au revoir!!!”