Everyone Hates Free Bitcoin From Substack 📉
"Apparently we were wrong. Very wrong.” — Chris Best, CEO/Founder
Substack is currently giving away 1 bitcoin ($75,000) to everyone on their platform. This misguided attempt to improve the experience has many users very angry. Many authors feel like Substack has refused to update their text and newsletter features for way too long and this is the last straw.
We asked workers at Substack what they thought:
“We thought people would like this new feature where we give away free money but apparently we were wrong. Very wrong.” — Chris Best, CEO/Founder
“I don’t get it either. The bitcoin logo is a classic!” — Mills Baker, Head of Design
“I told Chris we should have given away kiwis. Everyone loves kiwis.” — Hamish McKenzie/2nd Founder (From New Zealand)
Jairaj Sethi, the secret third founder, could not be found for comment.
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Then we asked Substack users:
“First they introduced Notes, then video, and now they give everyone $75,000 of bitcoin? How am I supposed to make a living as a writer with that??” — Connie Fjoosd
“I think Substack doesn’t care about writers. They just assume we are fine because we are stunning to look at and could charm the fur off a fox. But we aren’t all like that! We can’t all be satire writers!!!” — Tso Tru
“It all went downhill when they created Notes. I’m going to tell everyone on Notes how angry I am!!!” — E.S. O’Taric
“No one wants bitcoin! We want a real digital currency like Thalia Bucks! With Thalia Bucks, every transaction buys a kid a sandwich, melts fat, and gives you a pep that makes you feel 18 again!” — (Name Withheld)
Update: The streets of San Francisco are now flooded with angry Substackers who have clogged traffic with their new hot rods.
Update 2: Substack HQ dispersed the angry mob when Ben Cohen showed them they can center text now.
Question…
What should Substack do next?
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